I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
