Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
