Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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