An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
