He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
