these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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