Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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