did you get engaged???
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
