He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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