if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize