I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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