guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
