Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
