Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
