why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
