Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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