Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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