The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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