tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Alive.
So much puke
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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