the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
