and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
