we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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