when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
