I accidentally burped into my bong.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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