You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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