naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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