i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
