Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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