Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
