He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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