It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
