Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
