I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
