I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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