Farmville is her only friend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
