Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
