Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
