I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
