the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
