i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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