Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude i'm inner monologue high
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are the jesus of drinking
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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