I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
