Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
