OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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