Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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