So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
