Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you are never too drunk for berry picking
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
