I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
