Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
