There is no way he is gay with that hair.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
