What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we should paint friendship bongs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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