If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
