Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
