whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
