You don't have asthma, your pregnant
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
