had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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