her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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