Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
