i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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