How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
