Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
