I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
