I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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