I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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