I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
