Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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