i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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