just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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