is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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