I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
