I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
