can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
