Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
