whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
