So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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