HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
