we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This baby is an asshole
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
