Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We have started to decorate penises.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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