Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
