Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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