how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
