why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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