Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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