I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
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i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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