So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
