my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize