also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
