I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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