Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
