party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize