well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
