Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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