weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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