I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
