oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my being single is dangerous.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
