some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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