the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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