Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
