i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
