So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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