Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
